mood: FEEL LIKE WRITTING MY VIEWS
music: HERO-MARIAH CAREY

lets just say in simple terms, i've given my very best. i hope miracles happends with the will of Allah. i received two books that tells regarding qoutes from the Alquran. And i find it so true. One of it was;

Miracles can happen with the will of Allah
Ask Allah and leave it to Him to work His miracles. We need to accept the outcome once we leave it in His hand. This is total submission to him.
( Surah Al-Anfal, Ayat 9 )

no doubt without we as individual putting efforts to make things work and not just solely rely on miracles to happend. insyallah it will pay off. im missing bf. yes i know im contradicting. ku rindu ku abdul azim abdul razak.


b , do you know how much i love you?

Labels: RC/SP/RR

mood: GEREKNESS
music: SMOKE MACHINE

today was a stay in for me though. yup macam budak baik gitu lorh. mama and family is having a small/mini/kecil-kecilan doa selamat for the abang sedara who just came back from Brunei.
So head over to Mama's place, lepas doa selamat i head back home with Abah.

Guess what, normally i will take the bike keys and start the engine. abah said, tolak ah motor. Practically i ride the bike with him as my pillion. Member terus cramp. If you have ever realise, Abah had not been a pillion before. And i tell you, seram bawak motor dier. I feel odd. And to add to the gabrahness, with Abah as the pillion. Haha.

last, last, i ride alone in the carpark. baik to end the day early.
all the way back home, abah kept asking what kind of bike i wanted.
asking if i want to ask my cousins regarding secon hand bikes.
is that a sign?
now still watching the CSI, and realplayer kept saying ERROR. cbb tul.

im trying to keep on with the flow.
i know my heart still urs.
im scared it will not end like we dream it would be.
ily.

mood: PENATS
music: I DON'T WANNA KNOW


how do i start my post? im not sure either, most of my friends updated their everyday events easily. mine? lets just say, it was really hectic eversince R gave me that call and B found out. summarized it, it was really heartbreaking.
lets just say im trying to learnt from something i knew i didnt commit.


after school yesterday head to bbdc for 2 SP lessons. imagine from 2.10pm-5.40pm i was in the circuit doing all the trainings, from S course, Plank and Pylon, E-break and even practising my u-turn. and almost crash with a student from Practical 2.02. melayang nyawa.
scary.


after practical head to sembawang via busride from bukit batok till woodlands then to sembawang. was really tiring, i made use of the long trip to sleep. start tuition at 7.30pm settle in 1 hour. yes, that summarise my friday. a long day wasn't it?

yup, was sms'ing with B all the way from bbdc till finish tuition. not all the time, just in between. as the tp date got nearer, its giving me the creeps. what i keep saying to myself, just do your best and allah will guide you along. that quiet really sums up my friday.

Labels: 4 days left

mood: CONTENTED
music: ONE MORE TRY-A1

nak pengsan please. but im happy that im committing myself with all alot of things. tuition, bike and many more. im feeling contented with myself.
alhamdulillah, congrats to breepok. so happy for him. ya allah, kau tenangkan lah hati ini ya allah. anyways, getting jealous. alot of my babes are doing things do their hair. and mine dari year 1 sampai dah masuk year 3 tetap kerinting yang sama. ya rabbi. im getting sick of it myself.
susah nak jaga.

mood: HAPPY
music: ONE MORE TRY-A1

saturday outing with besty and jijot was a bang bang. gerek, confirm tak kering gusi and there is always thing to talk about. thanks korang-korang. jijot wanted to find designed notebooks. we headed to far east, instead we got besty's belt. suka member dapat beli sekali tiga belts. yup, then we wondered in far east for quiet awhile. asyik terbump into this 3 guys. i bet they are way younger than us though. anyways, i feel in love with the shoes there. im so gonna aim for it.
next was heading over to bugis street. coolness.
not wasting anymore time, haiza and i got our tees. next was searching for besty's bag. sadly, the belt she saw two weeks before wasn't there. so terpaksa wait.

hope it last.



mood: IGNORING COMMENTS
music: NOT LISTENING

Labels: RUNAWAY

mood: DISAPPOINTED
music: NOT LISTENING

i feel like screaming my ass off.
i havent been crying for a while. and today, there was no more waiting. tears just kept flowing.
im already in not a stable emotions today due to the uninvited visit by Mr M. to make things worst you purposely made remarks that would hurt me isnt.

if you insist on going out, you make the plans. when things cocked up, all you can do is blame on me. whats the problem? forget about the couple baju. and forget about going out together this year. im done. you find yourself urs. i cant be bothered.

aku jer semangat nak mampos.

Labels: heartache

mood: SLEEPY R/T SIDE EFFECT OF DRUGS
music: COUGHING

mood: NOT IN THE MOOD
music: NONE AT THE MOMENT

guess what. i was called MENYUSAHKAN. for godsake uh A, im sick. and you expect me to sleep with nyayi in the room with aisyah. cant you imagine how cramp it can be? sleeping at the hall with just a mattress and a pillow that support my bursting head. had i complaint?
and there you are complaining when i told adik to dont switch on the lights because its straining my eyes.

apa lagi yang tak kena ngan aku? what else? you want results i give you results? you want me to help ibu, didnt i do my part? didnt you want me to sacrifice if there is a need to? apa lagi?
what i ask is a peace for atleast for me to rest. thats all.

forget it, i just dont understand you A. how much i love you very much, that small 11alphabets hurt the hell out of me.

Labels: GOING AWAY

mood: KAIN HUNTING
music: BROWN EYES-BEYONCE

my goodness, yesterday only at that one shop. ibu spend $230 on mine/adik's/nyayi's/hers kain. boleh pengsan. im still searching for kain that really captured my heart to wear with bf. kemaruk or what?

the worst thing, it was at bugis that we saw how SINGAPOREAN was inconsiderate. fuck la! i also use the counter for wheelchaired, but if i see they are queing to use it i will obviously use the other counters la. bodoh or what?! freaks, practically i was waiting with nyayi infront of them. and the opposite SINGAPOREAN basically ignored to notice us. fuck, tak payah cakap other race la, melayu sendiri pakai tudung lagi. and who basically gived way, chinese lady in her early 20s. thank you miss. for godsake. korang bodoh atau tak blaja? or basically no brains at all?
i mean nak kata aku ni tak cukup besar, dah besar la sgt. nak kata kau potek, tak pulak pakai specs. maybe you need to upgrade the ram in ur blarrdy brain. jadi cepat react to situation. inconsiderate.
istighfar rabak-rabak.

back to the jahit baju thingy. im very kemaruk.
yes. very much kemaruk. and i have other plans. i want to ask my mum to jahit sendiri baju untuk bf. haha. harap-harap ibu nak jahit for him. so yeah, i have yet to buy baju that same with bf. so we will wait for naddy or maybe i will go again with ibu. since i need my mum and mama to do the tawar menawar. kalau tak tawar, boleh pengsan.

okay, bf agrees to go with me to find the kain first. member nak silver/gold colours present. fening kepala. nevermind. jijot, get well soon laah! aku rindu kau begok!

see all that songkets behind us? cheap cheap lorrh... $79 bucks for 1 suit.
1 suit mean. 4 yards. Its not ready made.

Pendek kan nenek ku. Hehe. See mana laa genes yang gueh dapat. Hidung pun sama kan.

More pictures later. Si Irfan nak pakai computer to play PapaLouie in Miniclip.
Join him!
Hehe

Labels: Gerekness

mood: HAPPY GIRL
This lady right here. Darn i tell you, i find her hot. At one point of time she can be super rugged with her actions and stunts. But at certain point of the movie, she could be ultimately sexy and hot lady. i was impressed. rugged girl!
after the movies, i had to head to teach tuition. yup, im trying to find ways to really create the interest in my dear tutee. insyallah. she will buck up. :)

Labels: short movie date with bf

mood: BIRTHDAY
music: HAPPY BISHDAY

HAPPY 23rd BIRTHDAY KAK DEE!!!

PS: Burger ku miss kau!

Labels: 1 down

mood: RINDU
music: MY BOO

-IMY-

had breakfast with ibu/nyayi/busu&an.
kecoh per. people went to market 1 jam. we went for basically 3 hrs to be exact.
haha.
im starting my tp training soon. and nearing of tp giving me creeps.
insyallah, i will give my best.
i dont expect to pass, but i want to aim to give my best.:)


maybe heading to bukit panjang to ride on dad's bike.
haha. gian la sia.

mood: SEMANGAT
music: FIKIR-FIKIR

yes. thats goes the tittle of my entry. like i said before in the last entry. i have put on weight. nak pengsan beratnya. 96kg.
96KG!
berat aper sap. anyway. im starting on my usual training to loose a few kg's. yup. swimming. today's the first day, and i feel like suffocating myself in the water. 14 laps in 40 mins. ya allah lembab tul. kasi chance beb, dah lama tak swim.
im going again tomorrow. and tomorrow i have a date with nyayi to geylang. yup, call me whatever, but im trying to fulfill aper-aper my grandmother wish to do.

okay laa nak sambung tgk danielle.
betis ngan peha sengal laa eh.

Labels: 20 laps tomorrow?

mood: ALL SHITTY
music: LOVE SONG-NEYO


its hard to tell. i wonder what made me stay this long in a relationship. seriously, its taking too much of my energy. the communication is not even there. if he is able to read this,
"WHEN THE HELL DID WE REALLY HAD A HEART TO HEART TALK?"
everytime i wanted to create that moment where we can just talk, he finds it childish to do so. it will never be any improvement.
im seriously thinking twice. 13 months wont deserve much purpose.


im sick of all this shit!
ibu is getting on my nerve today.

Labels: shit

mood: HAPPY
music: JOGET LAMBAK

A sneak previw of the whole concept of the show. it was a blast. im not a prefectionist. but i enjoyed certain parts during the show. the dangdut by the singer was really something i really enjoyed. wonderful.

a date with bf after so long was really something i look upon on. and this girl konon-konon nak try something new. she decides on wearing leggings laa eh. guess what bf comment about it? "peha ngan betis you dah macam wrestler perempuan. tak kena laa b."
thats the first and the last ku akan pakai. and i bought pumps from cotton on. not bad though. thanks besty about the shoes. and we should go out to watch THE PROPOSAL tau.

let the photos do the pictures. im putting on lots of weight during this holiday. need to start off running and swimming again. jie, once stamina's up, lets head down to Darul Ma'wa for Netball.

Lastly, would be the mine and bf. after so long, a "perfect photo".
thank you for accompanying me.

mood: IMY
music: MAD-NEYO

a date tomorrow to naddy's tarian show. remember the Kirana Seni poster i had posted. yup will be heading there with Hairil and 9 other of his friends. Shikin and Friend. Me and bcc. yup. This is my 2nd time watching Naddy's dance show. This time, i wanna get a photo taken after her show. I dont care. Naddy, u better tell me where you will be after the show.

Okay madam?
date it will be.

Labels: 4th april 2009

mood: MISSING As
music: PIALA SUARA SERUMPUN-ADIRATNA

my dearest are going for competition on 5th of april. im happy for them. im proud of them. i've stepped down. but the feel of wanting to be there for every training is really killing me. i hate myself for not being able to play with them. some may understand why. i know you guys can do it.

my dearest frontmen's, i have not become the frontment before. but whatever it is, there is always a first time. and for the second timers, learnt from your mistakes and make changes dearest. jangan sesekali make whatever people comment pull your motivation down, instead it should be vice versa. it should be something that you strive and prove to them you are way better. okay dearest. i know you can. xoxo.

my dearest paluan's, korang... the best bunch. enjoy each others company during each training. at the same time, seriousness on studying the beats is very particular. on the day itself, hug each other, motivate to give the best and just be yourself and sound as one.
aku sayang korang.

last but not least, my dearest awok-awok, aku rindu korang. aku rindu duduk buat ragam ngan laung lagu ngan korang. my dearest, with the presence of alumni, make use of their presence and learnt from them. bukan bermakna itu kita tak bagus, its adding the knowledge yang sedia ada. i know most of you always give your best. but sayang-sayang ku, another cabaran in awok-awok is that, you need to make people listen to you as ONE VOICE. okay dearest? i've seen you guys do miracles, i know you can. believe in yourself okay dearest.

my dearest ami, be a great leader dearest. i know you can. work with the rest and bring out the best in each individual including urs okay dearest.

ps: missing As.

Labels: Sentuhan......