it was really weird when you start to have a heart to heart conversation.

like normally when ur sms'ing / on the phone; you can decide to stop or hang up.

but when your personally there, its heart wrenching.

the tears was all worth while.

the tears made things much clearer.

the tears show how remorse we felt.

the hug was something needed to soothe us down.

the hug was something needed for comfort.

the hug was something needed for security.

thank you love.

glad you were always there for me.

eventhough i must say, we are financially and emotionally unstable.

im happy that we finally sit down and talk.

and it was the first time i cried in front of bcc.

sumpah it was BURUK.com/sap

ily

............

im getting up slowly.

we are.

im not sure.

......

im happy that people family gets together every weekends.
im happy that atleast their cousins enjoy each others company; as simple as playing badminton.
im happy that they laugh at each other silly acts.

what about mine?
be it paternal or maternal side.
why aren't mine like theirs?
every family has each problems that they encounter. i agree. but somehow, theirs still put aside all this differences to get together.
one family came as far as from Tampines.
mine just live within west and north didnt have the thought of get together as a whole family.

im complaining? dont tell me you dont feel the same way.
you feel the hurt, seeing old photos of our family getting together just to celebrate birthdays?
somehow im tired of dreaming .



....

its friday people!
yes. eventhough i felt the first 2 weeks was draggy as hell.
this 2 weeks posting was way better.
why?
we practically did much hands on and we did learnt a lot.
5 more days left in specialised posting. and less than 26 days left in the ward.
time flies so fast.
.......

was checking the letterbox and saw this leaflet of Instant Mix 7.
i swear i fell in love again.
:)
other than bags, cameras are my babies.
lets aim:

.Nur Joanna Sari.
That's her name.
yup. one kind of unique name.
happy 12th birthday.
korang semua ni grow up so fast.
making me & jijot look so old.
anyways, do study hard deary.
dgr ckp mama and papa okay.

lots of love,
kak oyah

Adik birthday celebration was held one day in advance.
practically, she received lots of stuff from different people.
why?
pasal ni anak dah pandai ngecek from each of us.
anyways.

Adik,
Happy 12th Birthday.
Time passes by fast and your already going to be sitting for your PSLE in like 9 months time.
Concerntrate on it love.
Stay strong. Never give in easily in learning.
May allah bless you with health and happiness.

Love,
Kak Oyah.

each time i tried to recall, why, why must i be the one having to go through all this feelings.
sometimes i hate myself for not being able to be like the rest.
sometimes i hate myself for hurting people i love.
subhannallah, HE knows how hard i tried not to hurt and destroy the relationship with the people i've come to love.


family;
no matter how hard i tried.
no matter how ignorant i tried to be and always prayed it will get better someday.
i guess im tired and sick of waiting for it to be back to normal.
it hurts to see my family breaking apart.
it hurts to see that its hard for us to eat as one big family once more.
my parents are my root to perserverance.

guide me through, ya allah.

friends;
our differences may be one of many strengths.
our differences may be even be the caused of our path heading in different ways.
im afraid to build much more, im afraid to hurt more than i've already have.
im afraid to put others where i had been, im afraid i'm in the losing end.

guide me through, ya allah.

love;
loving isnt something you own.
loving is something you're willing to share , trust and treasure.
loving is something wish has to be a learning process for us to be better.
im staying.
im staying.
yes i am.
a girl i am, fragile inside.

guide me through, ya allah.

...
bleeding

its so hard explaining how i miss you.
and its so hard finding time to slot you into my timetable.
i have tuition to be given.
i have work that is with SHIFTS.
i have random gf meet-up.

have you ever thought i just somehow want that 15mins busride to spend with you?
have you ever thought that i might appreciate it?
im already in high hopes to meet you, once again. my hopes were crushed.







.........
thanks.

one after another.
my year went off with fireworks of life.
had a mild accident earlier on today at PIE. babyLOVE was hit very bad this time round.
i was considered lucky with long scratches and bruises over my arms/fingers/legs and toe.
i was heading towards to changi, on my way to Darul Ma'wa.
was looking forward to see Rahsul. i guess bukan my rezeki.

i guess the first thought i had when i fell was how do i go about telling abah i fell again.
malu semua hilang when i just cried under the flyover.
head back after seeing babyLOVE up the tow truck.
the rest is history.


......


kepada BETINA,

my 1st and last warning to you.
hands off my man.
kau jangan sampai aku carik kau dalam ward.
isnt there anyone single out there where you can toss ur body to.

move off bitch!

love,
safiah

Marinah.

Adee. Atiqa. Ami. Amz.
Burger. Carrie. Dayah.
Eiqah. Eera. HafizS. HakimP.
Irma. Imran. Lala. Mel.
Naddy. Naq. Nobuhiro. Tiana.
Yanti. Zizi.



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